Everyone is Crazy on the Inside
by VioletFox127
Summary: Everbody has issues. Even the Naruto characters. Even the crazy teenagers who are annoying them.
1. Worms

**This is my second story. Wow it took this long to start this one. Oh well. I came up with this story at school one day while thinking about...well...Naruto. I'm happy that I've finally started it. Anywho, I'm going to force-I mean let Itachi do the disclaimer.**

**Itachi: Why me? Hawkfur the Ninja does not own Naruto. **

* * *

Ari skipped along humming a random tune. Since her eyes were closed, it was no surprise that she ran into somebody. Except that that person just happened to be Orochimaru. The box in his arms was now open on the ground and a cobra was quickly slithering out.

"Eddie!"cried Orochimaru after his beloved snake ( which he had only had for about a week).

"Oops," said Ari.

"Oops? OOPS?!" yelled Orochimaru. "you just made me loose..."

But as was the nature of Ari, she wasn't paying attention, so while Orochimaru was ranting instead of doing the **SMART** thing and going after his snake, Ari started digging in the ground with her shovel ( yes she carries a shovel around with her). It was several minutes before Orochimaru noticed the hole in front of him.

"Why are you digging?" asked a slightly annoyed Orochimaru.

""Cause I felt like it," said Ari.

"Why did you fe- holy crap, how did you manage to dig a hole five feet deep in under six minutes?"

"Because I'm crazy."

"This is why I hate children," mumbled Orochimaru.

"Hey look, a worm!" said Ari suddenly. She climbed out of the hole with a worm squirming around in her hands.

"Hey, why don't you take this home with you. I looks a lot like a snake, only smaller."

"No,no. I hate worms."

"Why?"

"Because they are slimy and weird and I hate the fact that they're so darn small."

"but they're cute."

"Um, shouldn't a girl like you be saying that about bunnies? But.. then again, you aren't a normal girl."

"Hey!" yelled Ari. At first Orochimaru thought she was insulted, until he saw that in her hands were many other worms. "I found more worms!"

No one knows why exactly Ari did what she did, but she threw the worms at Orochimaru, who proceeded to scream like a little girl.

As for theories as to why Ari threw the worms, some people think that she was abducted by aliens who performed experiments on her brain. Others think it was a full moon at the time. But the most accepted theory is that on the craziness scale of 1 to 10, Ari is a 28.

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**Ari is probably the only OC who will appear pretty regularly. There will be others who represent my friends, the idiot guys in my class, and other parts of my personality. As for who Ari represents, she represents the crazy part of my personality, only she is much, much crazier. **


	2. Itachi's emo and Kisame's unfortunate

**Hello people, sorry that it took so long to update. Some of it was the fact that nobody reviewed the last chapter, and I had no motivation because of it. I'm sorry if the last chapter was boring.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

Itachi was walking around in a random building in a random place when he noticed that many people were acting weird. Sasuke was leaning against a wall, and instead of setting the wall on fire, he was looking quite proud of himself. Naruto was standing next to him banging his head on the wall yelling"Why?!" Tobi, for once, was just sitting there, staring straight ahead at nothing. Diedara was looking horrified, and Orochimaru was rocking back and forth on the ground in a fetal position. Without really even having to think, he knew what was going on.

"Kisame!" he yelled, suddenly irritated.

"What?" called Kisame from somewhere to his left.

That was all Itachi needed to know to find the annoying shark man. At once he ran/angrily stomped toward where the voice came from. He found himself at a door which said the following:

Kisame's room.

Enter or die/ suffer a horrible fate/ be glared at.

Itachi gave an exasperated sigh."Yeah right," he said.

He opened the door to find Kisame sitting on the copuch in the middle of the room, reading a volume of Naruto manga. Ari was sitting right next to him. Itachi had no idea which volume they were reading, but five seconds later, Ari gasped, made a noise similar to a growl, whacked Kisame upside the head, and left. Before leaving the room, though, she yelled, "Punish him, Itachi-kun!"

Itachi looked down at Kisame, who was rubbing his head.

"Am I bleeding?" he asked looking up at Itachi.

"No"

"Okay, that's good." He opened the book again, but Itachi snatched it out of his hand.

"I thought I told you not to read these. You always show them to everybody else, and it messes them up," said Itachi sternly.

"I know, but they're so good," said Kisame.

"Too bad."

"Are you going to punish me?"

"Yes."

"What're you going to do?"

"I was thinking of using Tsukyomi."

"Not if I can help it!" screamed Kisame, who was thoroughly scared of whatever would be done to him in Tsukyomi. He grabbed the book, and opened it to the page that had caused Ari to get mad. Itachi stared at it, and his irritation was replaced by the expression of a person who lacked hope and believed that they had no choice but to lack hope. Kisame took the chance and ran from the room. A girl named Sabrina looked into the room and at Itachi's expression. "What the heck?" she turned to Kisame. "What did you do to him?"

"I showed him the manga. He'll snap out of it in 20 minutes or so and punish me with Tsukyomi."

"Okay, if you say so," said a very doubtful Sabrina.

20 minutes later...

Itachi stared at the page, totally lacking hope. Sabrina checked in on him. "He'll sanp out of it in 20 minutes or so. Right."

6 hours later...

Itachi came out of the room lacking hope.

"Wow, Itachi, you look emo today," said Sakura.

"What's the point? Life is a barren desert full of death. It doesn't matter how long we live. We'll all die eventually. Eventually, the apocalypse will come and we'll all die at once," said Itachi in a voice lacking hope.

Ari, who had been on the ceiling for no apparent reason, dropped down on Kisame yelling "HOW DARE YOU MAKE ITACHI-KUN EMO?!"


	3. Pyromaniac

**I'm sorry that I haven't updated in so long. I was enjoying my summer vacation too much. I thank you, Shinka-chan for reviewing this story . I was beginning to worry that people hated it.**

**I do not own Naruto.**

* * *

A short(ish), brown-haired girl was sitting on the couch in the giant building that was home to all the Naruto characters and their most obsessed fans, and in Ari's case, her crazy stalker, Elix. This girl was called MAT. Her real name was Maryann Alexandra Teresa, but she had threatened that if anyone ever called her that, she would shove a rock down that person's throat.

She looked up from the book she was reading *cough*the manga*cough*, and hid it, because Sabrina walked into the room dragging Sasuke along with her. Her expression told MAT everything that she needed to know. Sasuke had set something important on fire...again.

"Alright Sasuke, what'd you burn down this time?" asked MAT.

"The City of Giant Peanuts," said the black-haired pyro.

"From the inside out," added Sabrina.

"And you got into the city without being arrested how...?" asked MAT.

"Never underestimate the power of the fangirls."

It took a moment for that particular statement to sink in, but when it did, MAT said "You used the fangirls to protect you?"

"Yup," said Sasuke proudly.

"Y'know, he didn't just burn down the City of Giant Peanuts," said Sabrina.

"What did you do Sasuke?" asked MAT.

Sabrina answered for him. "What do think a crazy pyromaniac obsessed with revenge would do?"

"Wait...you set Itachi on FIRE?!"

"Unfortunately," said Sabrina.

MAT pinned Sasuke to the wall. "Why'd you do that Sasuke?" she asked, becoming very agitated.

"Cause I felt like it."

"I cannot believe you don't know." Said Sabrina.

"Know what?" Sasuke was becoming very confused.

MAT took a deep breath, and in a whispery-yelling sort of voice, said "Unless you have a death wish, you do not cause Itachi bodily harm!" She let go of Sasuke.

"We must never speak of any of this to Ari," said Sabrina as Sasuke walked off. Suddenly, Ari dropped down from the ceiling and hit Sasuke with her shovel. The crazy teen then ran off shouting "I LOVE YOU ITACHI-KUN!!!!"

"Not to self," said Sabrina, "Always check the ceiling."

* * *

**And Ari the crazy Itachi fangirl strikes again. **

**Just so you know, I won't be updating for a few more weeks because of two things: I have decided to write a couple chapters in advance and in two weeks I will be going on vacation for a little over two weeks. Please be patient and don't kill me.**


	4. Vacation time!

**I'M ALIVE!!!!! **

**Itachi: Aww...**

**Shut up, Itachi. Now for the lame excuses I have prepared. First, I went on vacation for two weeks. Second, school started up. Third, I enjoyed my Christmas vacation too much. Fourth, I forgot for a little bit. Fifth, I procrastinated a lot. Yeah, I know, I really need to organize my life a little bit. At least I think I'm improving. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, not anytime in the past, and likely not in the future, either.**

**Just a heads up, anyone who was hoping to see Hidan's language at work, I kept the actual words out.**

Ari came bursting into the room yelling at he top of her lungs, "Guess what guess what guess what guess what!!"

"What?!" hissed Orochimaru, sitting up in the coffin that he currently slept in, and bared his fangs in the hopes of scaring Ari. (1) It didn't work. Instead, she hit him with her shovel and ran away, still yelling "Guess what guess what guess what guess what guess what guesswhat!!!"

"What?" asked Konohamaru. Ari ignored him and continued to yell 'guess what' repeatedly, ignoring anyone who asked her what it was.

~Elsewhere...

"So Sasuke, how do you keep the fangirls away when you don't need them to protect you when you decide to burn stuff down?" asked Itachi.

"I usually use pepper spray, but that doesn't always work, so I sometimes light a fire and the smoke keeps 'em away. Kind of like with mosquitoes...hehe."

"I'm glad I don't have any fangirls like that," said Itachi. Sasuke looked at him rather startled.

"Um," he said,"I don't know about everywhere else, but here, there's at least one crazy fangirl, and that's Ari."

"come on, she's not that crazy."

"I'm pretty sure she has a crush on you."

"Prove it."

"She's the only one using honorifics."

"So?"

"She's only adding them to your name."

"What's that have to do with anything?"

Sasuke sighed. "You really aren't that observant. She's adding –kun to your name."

"I don't see how-omigoshwhattheheck?!" Gimme that pepper spray!" Itachi jumped at Sasuke and tried to grab the pepper spray that Sasuke had shown him.

"No, it's mine!" Sasuke growled as he tried to shove Itachi away from him, and keep a hold of his pepper spray at the same time.

"Give it!"

"No, get your own!"

"Aha! Victory!" Itachi managed to wrench the pepper spray out of his little brother's hands. At that moment, they heard a certain someone running down the hall yelling "Guess what guess what guess what!" Itachi didn't actually notice, since he was so proud of his victory, until Hidan yelled "What the *edited* do you want?!" Then they heard a long string of *ahem* rough language, that meant Ari had hit him with her shovel.

She broke down the door still yelling, "Guess what guess

what guess what guess what guess what guess what Itachi-kun!"

"What?" asked Itachi, holding Sasuke's pepper spray up and ready.

"We're going on vacation!" cried the thirteen-year-old of questionable sanity.

Out in the hall, Hidan yelled, "So all that *edited* yelling was for _that_?!"

~Somewhere else...

MAT was sitting against a wall holding a bright blue energy drink in front of her face.

"This would make an awesome car color." (2)

~Later...

Everybody minus Orochimaru, who was sleeping, Kabuto, who was experimenting on something, and Kakuzo who was a the bank, were gathering in the same room where MAT had been earlier marveling at her energy drink. Ari's older sister Jen was speaking.

"Since as you know, we can't take everyone, I've made a list of who will be going with us this year, as always. Ari, Sabrina, MAT, and I, of course, Ari's otter-"

"She has an otter?" asked Ino from somewhere in the crowd.

"Yes."

"What's it's name?" asked Suigetsu from waaay in the back.

"Otto."

"Okay."

"Anyway. Itachi's going."

"Dang, I need some pepper spray."

"Sasuke"

"Hehe."

"Try not to burn stuff down."

"Can't promise it."

"Sakura."

"It'll be nice...I suppose."

"Try not to kill Sasuke, please." (3)

"Darn."

"Kisame."

"Woohoo!"

"If you read the manga, don't show it to other characters or Ari, please?"

"...Okay..."

Jen made a mental note to keep an eye on Kisame. "Kakashi."

"..."

"Kakashi?"

"Okay."

"Shikamaru."

"..."

"Shikamaru?"

"..."

"Yoohoo, Shikamaru?"

"Whatever."

"And that's it."

"What?!" cried Naruto. "Sasuke and Sakura get to go, but I don't?"

"Sorry Naruto. We can't take you after what happened last year," said Jen.

"Yeah. Even I feel sorry for all those whales," said Sasuke.

"Hey, at least you'll have Tobi and Konakamaru for company," said Sabrina, sympathetically.

"But I don't wann hang out with Tobi!" Naruto whined.

"Hey, what about me?" asked Konahamaru.

"I'll be all alone!"

"Naruto..."

"I'll have no one to do stuff with!"

"NARUTO GET A HOLD OF YORSELF!!" Konahamaru shrieked at the top of his lungs.

"Hunh?"

"You'll have me. And Udon and Moegi."

"It's just not the same!!!"

"Oh brother..." said Sasuke.

"Huh? You say something, Sasuke?" asked Itachi.

Sasuke gave Itachi a death glare, causing Itachi to high-tail it out of the room.

Uhh...okay...those who I said could come, go get your stuff packed. Everyone else...uh..." Jen scanned the crowd. "Just decide amongst yourselves who's in charge." She then left the room, along with those going to pack their things.

Everyone in the crowd just looked at each other. Then Pain spoke up. "I say that Akatsuki be in charge." This caused an uproar.

"You just want to take over...wherever we are!" yelled Temari.

"I should be in charge!" screamed Tsunade.

"We should elect a counsel," said someone from the back. Every one fell silent. Then Kiba yelled, "Shut up Danzo. What are we doing, choosing who's in charge while those teenagers are gone, or choosing a Kage?"

"Hmm..." said Shino. "Who do we know who' a responsible adult and is neutral to our various conflicts?"

Everyone thought for a second, and then in unison said, "Minato."

**Hm, they're leaving Minato in charge. I wonder how that'll turn out.**

**1. He turned himself into a vampire.**

**2. Inspired by a conversation with my friend.**

**3. For those of you who don't know what I meant by this, have you SEEN Sakura in Shippuden?**

**I hope you liked this chapter. **


	5. Waking up Minato

**And here we have another chapter. I had fun doing this one, as you will probably be able to notice.**

**Sakura: VioletFox127 does not own Naruto, even in her dreams. In those, she keeps almost killing Sasuke. **

**Sakura, you know my dreams almost never invlove that now. Ah, whatever. I also don't own the videogames that I reference. Well, I own copies...same with the movies I reference.**

* * *

Karen walked tentatively into Minato's room. He was right where he usually was for this hour: sprawled out on his bed, asleep. Karen walked over to him and said, "Yo, Minato. Wake up." As usual, he didn't wake up. He did however, roll onto his side and put his pillow over his head, mumbling something in his sleep.

"Aw Mom... ngh...I don't wanna go to school...three more hours...starshine fluffy cats..."

Karen sighed. Thankfully, she only had one more day of Wake up Minato duty. She shook him, gently at first, then more vigorously, saying, "Wake up, Minato. What are you, are high school student?" (1)

"Mmmm...evil alarm clocks...darn you, Donkey Kong...argh...shut up, Jack Sparrow...stupid cleaning products..."

"Hm, much as I hate interrupting your obviously interesting dream, I have to wake you up." First, Karen had to remove the pillow covering the former Hokage's head. That wasn't as easy as it sounds, since he had a death grip on it, but she managed to do it after about ten minutes of trying to pry his arm off of it. She had turned the light on when she came in, but he slept too deeply to be woken by that.

"You kidnap that girl, Axel, and I'll kill you. I spent too long on KH1 to want that to happen again in this game," mumbled Minato, actually saying a complete sentence this time. Karen just shook her head. That was why everyone had to take turns waking him up. Every other evening, he played videogames all night until he got too tired to continue, and on the nights he didn't do that, he stayed up till one in the morning on the computer and watching various movies every night. Minato was mumbling again, and Karen stopped to listen. This was one of the weirder thing he'd said while asleep.

"Wild Spongebob appeared...go, Axel...wild Spongebob used Bubblebeam...Axel used Flame Wheel...wild Spongebob fainted...Wild Lugia ate Axel...Gym Leader Darth Vader sent out Luke Skywalker...go, Neaki...Neaki used Blizzard...Luke Skywalker was frozen solid...Neaki used Aurora Beam...Luke Skywalker was thawed...Luke Skywalker turned on Darth Vader...Luke Skywalker knocked out Darth Vader...Defeated Gym Leader Darth Vader...Wild Zazu attacked...go, Simba...wild Zazu used Peck...Simba used Roar of Time...Wild Zazu fainted..."

"And what were we playing watching last night?" Karen muttered to herself. She went into the bathroom, filled up a bucket of water, walked back over to Minato, and dumped the water on his head. It didn't work. Karen was getting very annoyed now.

"Heh...Xion's kinda cute...cinnamon buns...robot cows are taking over the world...Sasuke, stop being an idiot..."

"Alright, that's it!" said Karen. She put down the bucket, and pushed Minato over the side of the bed. She heard a thump and a muffled curse. Minato sat up.

"Geez, what was that for, Karen?"

"Nobody calls Sasuke an idiot."

"I was talking in my sleep _again?_"

"You almost always do."

"What'd I say this time?"

Karen sighed and began to repeat what Minato had said. "Aw Mom...ngh...I don't wanna go to school...three more hours..." It took her about two minutes to recite as accurately as she could. "You must've been having one heck of a dream. What the heck did you play last night?"

Minato ran a hand through his spikey blonde hair. "Um, let me see...Super Smash Bros., Kingdom Hearts 2, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Pokemon, and Avalon code. I watched Pirates of the Carribean, an episode of Spongebob, and-" Karen cut him off.

"Star Wars and the Lion King, I know, I heard."

"Okay, good night," said Minato lying back down to sleep.

"No! You can't go back to sleep! It's 11:30 a.m.!"

"11:30? You woke me up even earlier than you usually do, Katie."

"Karen."

"I said Karen."

"No, you said Katie."

"No, I said Karen. You just misheard me."

"My hearing is just fine. You called me Katie."

"Why are we arguing over what I called you this morning?"

"Because you never get my name right!"

"If I never get your name right, what have I been calling you?"

"Sunday you called me Kairi. Monday, you called me Larxene. Tuesday, you called me Neaki. Wednesday, you called me Elizabeth. Thursday, you called me Ashley. This morning, you called me Katie, which as far as I know, is the first time you've called me by a name that doesn't appear in a videogame or a movie, but it may very well be the name of a movie or videogame character."

"Oh...maybe I should take a day off from gaming."

"That's exactly what you'll be doing for the next few days."

"WHAT!?"

"You heard me. Some of the others are going on vacation, and those of us who are staying here have decided that you get to be in charge this year."

"Why can't they just leave Tsunade in charge again?"

"Because we all value our lives. Now, get up,and don't you dare fall asleep, because I will wake you up."

"Yes ma'am. I'll make sure to have some coffee."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For finally getting up."

"Well, I didn't push myself outta bed."

"Well, I've got to go and assure everyone that you aren't dead."

"Have fun."

When Karen left, Minato smirked. "That dream was so worth that argument."

**Ah, what a fun chapter. **

**1. Sorry to those to whom this stereotype does not apply.**

**Please, please review! *Gets down on knees* Look, I'm down on my knees!**


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